How I beat Joe Quesada in A Cage Match and Made Him Cry
I bet you wanted to punch someone tremendously hard before. For me, that person is Joe Quesada. And down at Fan Expo, things were getting pretty ugly between me and him. We both fought hard yesterday, but when it came down to it, Joe Quesada got his ass whooped by a high-schooler. He didn’t take it too well.
Before I picked this fight, I fully comprehend that Marvel Comics is a legible and enjoyable comic series because of him. I know that he is the one that essentially created a sense of modernity to a medium that was quickly becoming outdated. As the Editor-In-Chief of Marvel, I think he’s done a fantastic job in helping to revitalize the industry.
However, that does NOT excuse him from destroying two things that my cold, unstable heart held dear: Spider-Man and The Ultimate Universe. If I were to describe using my best tact what my impression of both the Brand New Day storyline and the Ultimatum, I would say that it was pure bum rape of both series.
Brand New Day created a contrived storyline involving the devil and the loss of the marriage between Peter Parker and Mary Jane to create some broken sense of up-and-coming-ness.
The ultimate universe…
He let Jeph Loeb kill nearly half of the super powered population of that universe in his end all series Utimatum. A comic series that was at one point rumoured to replace the main comic-verse (It’d never happen regardless), is now characterless and dependant on two main series “Ultimate Comics” Spider-Man and “Ultimate Comics” Avengers. It was not necessary to kill all of those characters, perhaps I wouldn’t be that happy regardless of the changes but still, nearly murdering half your universe is a big deal. The reviews for Ultimatum were so bad anyways, so I’m not the only one who thinks this.
As such, he condoned and forced in events into these comics that were entirely unnecessary and destroyed my admiration of each comic-line.
In short, I hate the guy, and when I heard he was hosting a panel I decided it would be my best opportunity to jump him. I imagine my logic failed somewhere in that process.
Finally, THE ACT. I PUNCHED JOE QUESADA. Here’s how it broke down: The plan was that I would raise my hand into the air, pretend to ask a question and then BAM, run up to the stage and sock him once. Then I run very very fast.
Inside the spacious panel room, A Cup O’Joe was about to begin. Cup O’Joe is supposed to be a way of communicating your opinions to the great editor-in-chief atMarvel and see what you’d get out of him.I know what I wanted to communicate. My fist. In his face.
I’d punch him.
Quesada comes up to the stage (that asshole) and explains why he’s here, the whole Marvel-reader forum. The questions portion comes along. Half an hour passes before I work the courage to raise my hand. When the room seems empty of questions and comments I push up my hand above the crowd, repeating the word I was going to yell when he ironically chose me. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. I challenge you to a duel to the death! He does it. He says, “The one in the cool blue shirt.”
“Ass-As one of your appreciators, in regards to overall I’m glad with what you’ve been doing to Marvel comics recently. I haven’t enjoyed a couple of your tailored plot lines – I’ve loathed a couple of them actually, Brand New Day deserving special mention – yet I have to say that Spider-Man 600 was probably the best Marvel comic I’ve read all year.”
I nervously sat down, and made a meager second question regarding the fate of the ultimate universe.
Okay. So I didn’t punch him, or beat him in anyway. How could I when he said I had such a great shirt?